Gas Station Bathrooms: A Remembrance

Clean and working? This looks promising!

Gas Station Bathrooms: A Remembrance

It's a hot summers day in 1977. Your in the back seat of a '76 Chrystler wagon, fake wood paneling on the side. Some crap tune is playing on the AM dial. The windows are rolled down, the breeze providing little comfort to the oppressively muggy day. But none of that matters. All that matters is you have to go to the bathroom, like NOW. And there's only one option available: the gas station bathroom.  *shudder*

If you shuddered in fear at this thought then you're obviously old enough to remember this ordeal. If not, then put down the pimple medicine junior and learn of the dark age of gas station bathrooms.

You see, unlike today's mini marts (gleaming grocery stores disguised as gas stations) the filling station of yesteryear was a dingy, dreary, wretched little hole that sold gas, soda, candy, cigarettes, and candy cigarettes. It was probably also a repair shop with a (equally dingy) garage. That's about it.

So what was it like? Buckle the fuck up and read on, brave soldier!

Your mom pulls the wagon into a gas station. It quite probably looks like this:

While dirty and rundown, at least it has "character." Then again, Deliverance had, "character."

She parks the car. You the notice the bathroom is on the outside (back in the day they were nearly always on the outside). So you head to the door and SURPRISE - it's locked. Well, your not really surprised. Of course it's locked. They were always locked, but you thought you'd try anyway. You thought, "Maybe, just maybe, today will be the day I don't have to go get..."

The Key

Usually attached to a piece of lumber or iron to discourage theft. Good thinking!

What's so bad about the key? Well nothing really, at least as far as the key itself; it's just a stupid key. But in order to get the key, you must enter into the small dark, dingy building also known as the lair of...


The Troll (sometimes referred to as: the attendant)

Gas station attendant c.1950

The troll you need to get the key from

Back in the 1950's the smiling gas station attendant would check your oil and wipe your windshield while he pumped your gas. By the time the 70's rolled around, the species had devolved (probably as a result of nuclear testing, scientists aren't sure) into a greasy haired, unkempt, rat-like troll man who communicated with grunts and mumbles; the smarter ones might know a few human words. I swear, gas station hiring guidelines must have demanded creepiness in their employees. "Your a former carney and rodeo clown? Welcome aboard, son!"

So, bravely you enter the station. The inside is dusty and smells like old oil mixed with stale smoke. A thin film of grime covers every surface. You cautiously approach the troll behind the counter. "Uh...can I have the key to th-" you start to say but the troll has noticed you. "HRSSE BLLARG NAKKR," he mumbles, thrusting the key in your face. You have it!

Dah na na na!

Now it's off to...

The Bathroom

You approach the door: a stained battered unwelcoming gateway to hell. *WARNING: GEEK REFERENCE* If Tolkien had made this the door to Moria, then instead of "Speak Friend and Enter" the Elvish runes would read: "STFU and Get Fucking Lost." Trust me, what waits beyond this door is worse than anything Moria had to offer.

You turn the key and behold, the door opens! Do you know what stale urine on a hot day smells like? Good. Now imagine that odor as an air freshener trying desperately to cover up a much fouler stench and you'll have a good idea of what greets you as you open the door.

Indiana Jones was still a few years away but I'm convinced that Speilberg and Lucas found some inspiration in a place much like this; navigating the "rest room" was like the hidden cave in the opening of Raiders. Did you duck while entering? Good! You managed to avoid the large spider suspended at face level. Watch out for the sticky gum! Make sure to avoid the stagnant pond in the corner! Is that centipede dead? Best not think about it...

You are here! At last! Your eye on the prize! You win!!

The prize.

You lose.

As bad as this looks (and trust me, it looks very, very bad) it may soon be over!  If:

1. you only need to pee AND
2. you have a penis,

then congrats! You're in luck! Just wad up some toilet paper, lift the lid, and badda bing! Mission accomplished

Fuck yeah

but...

if you do not meet either condition 1 or 2 above, then it's on to... 

The Cleansing 

So, you've got a poopie or a coochie - or both. There's no getting around it; your flesh must come into contact with the toilet. Here's what you do, just wad up some paper towel...

Totally sanitary!

*sigh*. One of these. Are you familiar with the rotating cloth towel dispenser? No, well aren't you fortunate! These featured a cloth towel roll. You'd pull it to advance a clean section. The only problem was that there was NEVER a clean section. These things were notorious for jamming and most had not been changed since the Johnson administration. So what you were left with was a grimy, soiled, bacteria ridden slab of fabric which would render your hands dirtier than if you didn't wash. You used nature's towel: air. And your pants.

Okay, so you grab some toilet paper...

Fuckity, fuck fuck.

...aw screw it! Maybe the seat isn't too dirty and we can just...

guess again, fucker!

Guess not. Well, it's back to the troll's lair...

You return to the troll and boy, is he ever happy to see you again! "WHKNE TEGH PROMBGL NHE?" he bleats. You tell him about the missing TP. After a few more mumbles he returns with a precious new roll.

Back to the can! Now your ready! The shit's about to go down. Literally.

So you wad up your paper, run it under some water (wait 'til the rust clears) add a little soap, and...WAKE UP FROM YOUR FANTASY! Did you really think there would be soap? You silly, silly little person. They NEVER have soap. EVER. There might be a soap dispenser but it will only be there to taunt you. It will certainly be empty. 

So you take your sad little wet nap and wipe down the seat. It doesn't look much better. But at least you can tell yourself that you gave it a more thorough cleaning than it's likely had in months.

The next step is to tear strips of paper to put all around the seat to form a "butt shield." Now, at last your ready to take care of business. Finally, despite the flies, and the spiders and the stench and the unbearable suffocating heat, you are free at last! Time to enjoy the relief!

Wait...what's that? A plooper? ARGGHHHH!! The dirty toilet water has splattered me! ARRGHHHGRHHRHHHH! You die.

Well, that end the history lesson, kiddies. Remember this the next time you have to stop at your clean, air-conditioned mini mart to drop a deuce. Remember the brave souls who had to endure these conditions and be thankful for your good fortune.

If today was the last day, what would you eat?

If today was the last day, what would you eat?

If it's the last day, I'm gonna assume it's Judgement day. Given that, I'd guess I'd eat a Mentos (the Freshmaker!™) look up and wink at the sky, and God would give me this "Oh you!" look and I'd be forgiven all my sins and swept up to heaven on a sweet guitar lick.

Hey...it's all good!

For those whom a merciful and loving God spared from seeing them, be spared no longer! Here is what I'm talkin' 'bout:

  Die! Why wont you DIE!

Lego Masterpiece of the Day

Lego Masterpiece of the Day by Michal Herbolt
  
This is absofrickinlutely brilliant! I love the off kilter angles everything seems a little askew which makes it look so natural. The textures are so well rendered; just the right amount of different colors. The trees are a great touch as well. Do yourself a huge favor and check out some of the interior shots, they're awesome.

Mr. Pigmon's Guide to Marital Bliss: Part 1

Hey Boss! Mr. Pigmon here! I'm here to help all YOU ladies achieve "Marital Bliss!" I don't have a P.H.D., any psychological or sociological training, and I've never actually met a woman. Hell, I'm not even human! Ha ha! All of this makes me well suited to offer advice on how YOU should live to attain that harmonious relationship with your hubby!

Let me start by saying although I've never met a woman, I've seen plenty of television and movies and especially vintage guidance materials so I have a better view than most on the subject!


Part 1: What kind of woman will you be?

Scientists have determined that there are to kinds of women, as demonstrated by this chart:

Fig 1: What will the girl become? Ho or homemaker?

As a girl develops, decisions she makes will determine what kind of woman she will become. If she makes "bad" choices (illustrated above on the left) she will wind up an Outcast: a manless, unmarried, probably drunken, self-hating, crazy cat lady. If she makes "good" choices (shown on the right) she will become an honored grandmother, or the Donna Reed.

Clearly, if you are a woman who wants marital bliss, the right side is the right choice! This means, that early on, you must avoid bad literature (anything that will put 'ideas' in your head). I would recommend you read the Dick and Jane series, good wholesome stories, and not too difficult for the developing female mind! Also, as indicated, obedience is key! Once you learn that, the key to happiness is close at hand!

Make "good" choices, obey, and this could be you!

Now, maybe your saying, "But Mr. Pigmon, I'm already 26, living a fast life with dissipation. What do I do now?" Well, I'm sorry Ms. Winehouse but, there's not much I can do.

Fig 2: Fast life and dissipation

Remember ladies, the world is wide open to you. Whether you want to be a homemaker or teacher, or seamstress or stay at home mom, the decisions you make, or better yet, that your husband makes for you, will determine what kind of woman you will become.





Don't worry! Mr. Pigmon will return with more marital advice soon!

Oh, and remember, Mr. Pigmon is here to help! If you have any comments or questions feel free to leave them!

See ya, Boss!

Happy Father's Day from EyeJustMadeItUp!

Happy Father's Day from
EyeJustMadeItUp!

Have a wonderful Father's day all you dad's out there! Take the time to play with your little Godzilla (wait, that didn't sound right), I mean, enjoy your time with your children. They will only be this age once; tomorrow they'll be a day older! But the day past cannot be got back. Fatherhood is truly the most exciting, fulfilling, enlightening task I've ever undertaken. My son is my joy. Have fun with your kids! Build LEGO! Play catch! Go fishin'! Bake a cake! Eat a cake! Love! Live!

Weeeeee! Kid, your breaking the ol' man's back! Aw, love ya anyway!

 

LEGO Masterpeice of the Day

LEGO Godzilla by Moko

Yes, what you are beholding is Godzilla made of LEGO. This model is impressive in both size and execution. For those unaware, Moko is a master builder; his Brickshelf account offers loads of interesting builds and techniques. This creation is somewhat old but appropriate given it's relevance to developments in the Presidential election.

This model is chock full of snot (and no, I'm not talking about buggers) and creative building techniques.

To give some idea of the scale involved, here's a pic of the tail with a minifig.

 

Now that's what I call a nice piece a tail...

I would estimate the full figure to be about 3' - 4' tall. Moko is a building God...zilla! *rimshot*
Really, do yourself a favor and explore the rest of this gallery. While your at it, go through the rest of his brickshelf galleries. I guarantee you it's worth it!

I'm Godzilla, and I approve this LEGO Masterpiece of the day

UPDATE: Godzilla E-mail Controversy

UPDATE: Godzilla E-mail Controversy

Just saw Chris Matthews on MSNBC discussing the Godzilla situation and rally that just took place in Manchester. He said, "When I saw the level of love and emotion; I mean, you don't usually see that kind of love for a politician. And when they zoomed in and you could see Godzilla, he had this tear rolling down his face, thinking of all he's gone through and the picture of his junk, I, I felt this thrill shoot right up my leg." He then excused himself.

"I felt a tingle..."

Wow. Not to dissimilar to this incident.

The "G Party" Emerges: Voters show support

Manchester residents hold signs and flags in support of Godzilla.

The "G Party" Emerges

Voters Show Support for their "Big G"

MANCHESTER MA (AP) - Supporters rallied in Manchester NH to show support for Godzilla, amid an emerging e-mail scandal. On Thursday, it was reported that an Idaho college student received a lewd e-mail from an account linked to Godzilla.

Despite the controversy, Godzilla supporters, many referring to themselves as "G Pariters," cheered enthusiastically, waving signs and flags, when Godzilla appeared on the scene. The crowd seemed unfazed by the situation, and a small but very vocal contingent chanted repeatedly, "Who da ho? I da ho!" in an apparent response to Idaho Attorney General Lawrence Wasden's announcement that he was "looking into the matter."

Godzilla seemed visibly moved by the display of affection; a single tear trickling down his face. He let out a choked up "SKEEEEERONK" and quickly departed.

Godzilla's Weiner Moment

Godzilla's Weiner Moment

MANCHESTER, NH (AP) On the heels of Anthony Weiners resignation, comes news of another potential political scandal.

Popular gossip site TMZ is reporting that 2012 Presidential hopeful Godzilla e-mailed a lewd photo of himself to an Idaho St. college student. They claim the photo, which they refer to as a "shot of his junk," was sent to Kimberly Amber Lynn, a 21 year old junior at Idaho St., along with a message reading, "Kimberly, did you say, 'I da ho?'"

A Godzilla spokesman issued a statement saying, "Mr. Godzilla did not have relations with this young woman, digital or otherwise and we will make that clear, uh, when we do."

Godzilla, while out greeting prospective voters, was questioned by reporters as to whether or not the image in the photo was his. In a scene, eerily similar to the recent scandal involving Congressman Anthony Weiner, Godzilla replied, "I can not verify, at this time, whether or not it is me...I...I really can't see past my belly." He hastily exited the scene by taking four steps into neighboring Mass.

Once released, the "junk shot" began circulating quickly. The Godzilla campaign seemed unprepared and uncoordinated and was scrambling to do damage control.

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton reacts to seeing the Godzilla "junk" shot.

Ohh no. Here we go...

So the campaigns off to a great start, every thing's going smooth and BAM! you get hit in the face with a massive, hard to take news story like this. A story bulging with potential danger, that could burst at any moment. I pray that this turns out to be false. Or that he was hacked. Ugh...I too upset to type.

I still believe in you Godzilla, don't let me down.

Voyage to Planet X

Take A Voyage To Planet X!

I made this poster, and the LEGO city therein, as a homage to the sawesome sci-fi posters of yesteryear. I just love that old school b-movie vibe and I tried to capture it here. The Robot is part of the LEGO Collectible Minifigure Series 1.

If you like this, I also designed a scene from the movie. You'll find it here.

Oh, and if you are a diehard LEGO fan or know one, I sell copies of this here. It's printed at 24" x 36" on professional stock and looks even better in person!


If anyone has comments or criticisms, I'd love to hear them.

Pokemon: Mortal Kombat!

Pokemon: Mortal Kombat

Someone went ahead and made a Mortal Kombat-ish version of Pokemon, featuring very impressive graphics and animation. I have to say, while I prefer the turn based battle system Pokemon has always used, which is strategy not skill based, I would love to be able to pummel Mr. Mime into a bloody, messy, pulp.

Skitty vs. Wailord would be an interesting match up.

This comes via Topless Robot.

Godzilla 2012 News: Poll

Godzilla For President Facebook Poll

The Kaiju Fairness Foundation is conduction a poll on Facebook. The poll asks, "If the election was held today, who would you vote for?" There are three options to answer: (Independent Candidate) Godzilla, (Current President) Barack Obama, and (frontrunner and prospective Republican nominee) Mitt Romney. The Kaiju Fairness Foundation encourages all prospective voters (on Facebook) to participate in this poll. Results will be revealed Friday.

A poll has been added for those who are not on Facebook. Thanks to ima girl for the tip.

Remember, vote for the candidate of your choice, whether it's Godzilla or one of the other douches.

Pictured: Godzilla and the other douches.

Do me! Show me!

Do me! Show me!

Martin Short is a genius. Let's make sure that's well understood. If you've never seen SCTV then shame on you. Being "too young" is no excuse either in this age of Youtube. And to prove my point here are two examples of Short at his best, doing a killer Jerry Lewis impression. The clip above is a commercial for Martin Scorcese's Jerry Lewis on the Champs Elysees. It's funny even if you don't know who Jerry Lewis is.

The clip below is a riff on Ingmar Bergman, again starring Short as Lewis. This stuff is gold. You're welcome.

Singachu: A Pikachu Song

Singachu: A Pikachu Song

This...what this is is...well it's about Pokemon...I give up. I really don't think any sort of explanation will do this justice. It's blindingly brilliant and night terror horrifying at the same time. Once you see it, you can not unsee it. Stay for the ending it's...well it's...yeah, never mind.

This comes via Topless Robot one of my fav sites.

Godzilla News 2012

Godzilla Book Signing

Godzilla will be signing copies of his book "My Life on the Ant Farm" 2:00 p.m. Wed. at Barnes and Noble in Salem, NH. First 100 people in line will receive a guarantee not to be stepped on.

The LEGO of Zelda

The LEGO of Zelda: King of Red Lions

I love LEGO and Zelda so why not combine them, right? I built this little boat many years ago for my son. I was never too thrilled with my Link - the hat is pretty meh. It's actually a custom job - chopped down ninja hood. The boat is unmodified LEGO save for the sail, which is printed paper. I also made a little island for Link to explore, complete with a Chu jelly guarding a chest. In case your wondering the King of Red Lions looks like this:

If you haven't played Zelda: The Wind Waker you must really hate yourself. You are dead to me.

Tom Monroe: An Appreciation

Tom Monroe: An Appreciation

Turn on the radio today and listen, if you can, to the so called "music." Like what you hear? Yeah, didn't think so. It either sounds like screeching owls fighting in a car wash or it's banal teen girls suggestively singing about their "booty." Are they pirates? Either way, who wants to hear this stuff? Certainly, not people with taste and class. For you, gentle listener, I have the answer; the sadly forgotten genius of Tom Monroe.

For those unfamiliar with "the Master of Smooth," allow me to enlighten. Hearing Mr. Monroe sing is like gliding on a rainbow, a cool, crisp breeze blowing at your back, soft and refreshing, never harsh. It's that feeling you get when you take a sip of lemonade on a hot, muggy summer day; it cools you, body and soul. That, my friend, is Tom Monroe.


Tom got his start like any great artist; working hard, honing his craft, paying dues. He charmed audiences with his silky smooth vocals; as soft as the velvet walls of lounges he worked.  Unlike all the noise that went for popular music, this cat actually sang. His big break came in 1981. He had cut an album called: Tom Monroe On a Different Wave Length, full of 'popular' songs of the day, but done the Tom Monroe way. To say this album was monumental would be to say the Mona Lisa is just a painting of some dead chick. Not only was it monumental, it was a groundbreaking landmark achievement in music recording history. It was as if Tom reached to the heavens, stole some of the gods fire and etched it into vinyl for all of us mortals to enjoy.


Tragically, the album went completely unnoticed. It was as if Jesus died for nothing.

However, the album did catch the tuneful ear of one Gerry Todd, video "VJ" for the SCTV network. Gerry was always searching for new sounds. And Gerry, like you and me, was tired of the "noise," Tom Monroe was the answer. In a 1995 interview, when asked what were the greatest moments in his life, Gerry answered, "Well, I'd have have to say: 1. birth of my son, 2. discovering Tom Monroe, 3. marrying the love of my life Linda. In that order."


Gerry persuaded Tom to make a video of one of the numbers from his album. The result was magic.

 

"De Doo Doo Doo De Da Da Da", a song made popular by The Police, was just like any of the othermeaningless buzz. But Mr. Monroe heard something in that buzz: a song. With his velvety pipes and nimble phrasing, Mr. Monroe transformed the ugly duckling into a beautiful swan, taking flight and soaring to the heavens. The video was an instant sensation. And the nation, like a drunken man recovering from a miserable hangover, finally turned off the noise, and turned on Tom Monroe. "noise" out there;  a tuneless, vapid

Following the smash success, Tom made another video, this time it was "Turning Japanese" by one hit wonders The Vapors. To say Tom could turn a phrase is to say God could move a mountain. In this case, Tom "turned" Japanese.  This video proved, as if proof was necessary,  not only could Mr. Monroe sing , as if the Angel Gabriel had embedded himself into Mr. Monroe's Larynx and played his Golden Harp, but Tom had also mastered the visual medium. Videos of the time mirrored well the "noise" of their music with loud flashy images, usually with half dressed (or less!) women and unkempt men. Sometimes you couldn't tell the difference. But the cool, smooth confidence Tom brought to his music, he also brought to his videos. Mr. Monroe gave us clean clear images, lovely ladies, pleasing backgrounds and the handsome, smartly dressed crooner himself. Cool, smooth, refreshing; a perfect compliment to the master's music.

Unfortunately, Tom Monroe's fame was short lived. The nation, like a drunken man, returned to drink, to the "noise." Tom continued to make music, a vocal Michaelangelo crafting masterworks, but sadly no one was there to hear them, they were drowned out by the "noise."

Tom had one brief moment in the sun, a single from his album: Tom Monroe sings Petula Clark. It is a work of inspired genius, which is to say it's simply Tom being Tom. "Downtown," a song made famous by Ms. Clark, is born anew by Mr. Monroe's special brand of magic. The video for "Downtown" is here  and you might want to watch it with sunglasses on because it's brilliance is blinding. So, maybe I'll see you there. We can forget all our troubles, forget all are cares...

Will there ever be another Tom Monroe? Well, I've heard there's to be a "second coming" of a certain famous cat, and I don't see that happening anytime soon. So I think we should all count our blessings that we lived in a time when the smooth, cool, well coiffed genius of Tom Monroe graced our drab, little lives. He took our sad song and made it better.

Wolverine in LEGO

"You'd prefer yellow spandex?"

No LEGO masterpiece here, just my take on Wolverine from the X-men movies. If your keeping score at home, X-men 1 & 2 are awesome and 3 kinda sucked. I'm not an X-men comic geek so the sacrilege to the comics in part 3 didn't really bug me. The movie, however bugged me.

Anyway, hope you dig Wolverine!

EyeJustMadeItUp Offically Backs Godzilla for President in 2012

Godzilla for President 2012!

If we are made from the clay of the gods, then politicians are made from the god's monkey's poo when they're not busy flinging it. So yeah, politicians are basically bottom feeding, soul sucking, lying, cheating, meat sacks formed from monkey poo. I've never known a politician I could actually support. It's always been pick the lesser of two doucebags. Well, not any more. No sir. God-f'ing-zilla has entered the 2012 Presidential election. I am all over this shit.

In the coming months, I will do all I can to get this bad boy elected. You think any other country wants to mess with this dude? Answer - two words: Fuck. & No. This is the kind of ass-kicking leadership this country needs now. The dry cleaning industry will have to shut down from all the pant shitting that congress would do if they had to deal with President Godzilla. Can you say atomic veto power?

Eye Just Made It Up is proud to officially support Godzilla in his candidacy for the Presidency of the United States of America. Join us.

 

Or get crushed...

Godzilla for President 2012 News

Godzilla Harassed by Reporter  
Questions emerge about birthplace

CONCORD (AP) - Presidential hopeful Godzilla was greeting potential voters this morning in a Concord food market when a man who identified himself as a NY Post reporter accosted the candidate with questions regarding his place of birth. "Will we get to see a birth certificate?" the reporter shouted repeatedly. After continued questioning, Mr. Godzilla confronted the reporter. "Who the f**k are you? Are you Donald F***ing Trump?" said the irate candidate before stepping on the reporter. There were no further questions.

Welsh Guard plays "Imperial March" for Saudi King

The Dark Side Has Cookies...and Oil

This is a couple of years old but still so awesome. Apparently, some members of the Welsh Guard band, who customarily perform whenever an important dignitary makes an official visit to Great Brittan, were unwilling to perform for Saudi King Abdulah, due to Saudi Arabia's human rights violations and it's stance on women. And by "stance on women," I mean, Saudi men like to stand on their women. And violate them; their rights, that is.

This, was their compromise. That this actually happened is so awesome.

Found this from this Cracked article.

Godzilla: Presidental Candidate for 2012

GODZILLA: ANNOUNCES CANDIDACY FOR PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
Will Run as an Independent

CONCORD (AP) - Godzilla, a reclusive and mysterious personality, best known for his controversial work in Japan, announced today that he was entering the 2012 Presidential field, running as an independent candidate. Before a packed audience, Godzilla stepped up to a massive podium, a large banner boldly proclaiming: "HOPE (you don't get crushed)" stretched across it, and addressed the crowd. "This country is being destroyed," he stated through an interpreter (two young Asian women who were not identified), "more completely than if I stomped through every city in America. Whereas my destruction is awesome, this destruction that America faces is sad. While it would be easy, and yes, fun, for me to eradicate the problem that is destroying this country, specifically: it's government, by blasting Washington with a well deserved shot of atomic breath, this would only be a short term solution. I therefore resolve to solve this problem from within; by running for President of the United States of America!" The speech seemed well received and Godzilla departed the podium to thunderous applause. A spokesman for the candidate said more information would be forthcoming.

Lego Masterpiece of the Day

V-30 Warhawk by Jon Hall

I am so damn jealous of this build. Seriously. I have admired Jon's creations for quite awhile and I wholeheartedly encourage everyone to check out his other creations. Not many builders have an identifiable style but Jon's work clearly does. I absolutely love the way he builds wings. He has a brilliant design aesthetic; his planes look like they occupy the real world. Maybe not this world, maybe some kind of alternate universe, but they still have a very "real" quality to them. I would love to see some instructions. I would totally build the hell out of these.

See more of Jon's stuff here

BREAKING NEWS

BREAKING NEWS: Godzilla Calls Press Conference for Thursday, 1pm EST. 

CONCORD (AP) -Today, a spokesman for Godzilla, the former destructive force of nature, issued a statement that Godzilla would be appearing tomorrow in Concord, New Hampshire to deliver a "major announcement." City officials seemed taken aback by the development. When reached for comment, the mayors office issued a brief statement, "AAAAAAAHHHHGHHHHHH."