Monday, June 20, 2011

Mr. Pigmon's Guide to Marital Bliss: Part 1

Hey Boss! Mr. Pigmon here! I'm here to help all YOU ladies achieve "Marital Bliss!" I don't have a P.H.D., any psychological or sociological training, and I've never actually met a woman. Hell, I'm not even human! Ha ha! All of this makes me well suited to offer advice on how YOU should live to attain that harmonious relationship with your hubby!

Let me start by saying although I've never met a woman, I've seen plenty of television and movies and especially vintage guidance materials so I have a better view than most on the subject!

Part 1: What kind of woman will you be?

Scientists have determined that there are to kinds of women, as demonstrated by this chart:
Fig 1: What will the girl become? Ho or homemaker?

As a girl develops, decisions she makes will determine what kind of woman she will become. If she makes "bad" choices (illustrated above on the left) she will wind up an Outcast: a manless, unmarried, probably drunken, self-hating, crazy cat lady. If she makes "good" choices (shown on the right) she will become an honored grandmother, or the Donna Reed.

Clearly, if you are a woman who wants marital bliss, the right side is the right choice! This means, that early on, you must avoid bad literature (anything that will put 'ideas' in your head). I would recommend you read the Dick and Jane series, good wholesome stories, and not too difficult for the developing female mind! Also, as indicated, obedience is key! Once you learn that, the key to happiness is close at hand!

Make "good" choices, obey, and this could be you!

Now, maybe your saying, "But Mr. Pigmon, I'm already 26, living a fast life with dissipation. What do I do now?" Well, I'm sorry Ms. Winehouse but, there's not much I can do.

Fig 2: Fast life and dissipation
Remember ladies, the world is wide open to you. Whether you want to be a homemaker or teacher, or seamstress or stay at home mom, the decisions you make, or better yet, that your husband makes for you, will determine what kind of woman you will become.

Don't worry! Mr. Pigmon will return with more marital advice soon!

Oh, and remember, Mr. Pigmon is here to help! If you have any comments or questions feel free to leave them!

See ya, Boss!


  1. Sherrie Hale, Ph.D.June 20, 2011 at 10:57 PM

    You are a complete ASS! This woman made decisions that led to her Ph.D. ...where have all your good male decisions led you? Oh...yeah..."art". You are a freak!!!!!

  2. Kindly address all comments to Mr. Pigmon. Thank you.

  3. Thanks Boss! Remember, any questions - Mr. Pigmon is here to help!

  4. Mr. Pigmon, I heard that a woman is supposed to strengthen her man. Is that true? And another thing, isn't a part of marital bliss learning from a man's leadership?