Friday, December 2, 2011

Parental Joy

Possible proof that a loving God does not exist.
"I love you, you love me..."

I'm sure most of you are familiar with this ditty. It's the delightful theme song to the beloved children's show Barney. Oh, wait, sorry, I forgot I wasn't in Bizzaro world. I mean it's the insufferably annoying blabble that introduces Satan's favorite kiddy program, featuring the despised pedo-saur Barney. There, that's much better. 

  For those of you with children, I'm sure you've heard this theme more than you'd care to. Which means, more than once. For those of you who grew up with this, I sure the therapy will work someday. For myself, I was blessed with a son who was never very fond of Barney. I always considered this a good sign. However, we had a couple of videos, given by people who hated us and he would occasionally want to watch them. I probably don't have to tell you that having to watch this program most certainly violates the Geneva Convention. It absolutely violates the soul. Fortunately, our son quickly moved on from Barney but some things cannot be unseen. Or unheard.
Bizzaro: "Me am want to kill that purple @!$%."

Which brings us to the present. One day, on our way to school, I had the pleasure of singing the Barney theme song to my son who is now thirteen. I forget now, the exact reason I was singing it, still it brought me great joy. Not the song itself of course, which is still a holocaust for the ears, but for the pain and torment it dealt to my son. He writhed about in the back seat, his furrowed brow seething with anger, with his eyes firing atomic daggers at my head. He asked, with much gnashing of teeth, "Why are you singing that?" I pleasantly replied, "Son, when you're a parent, you sacrifice and toil so that your children may be rewarded with a good life. But when your children reach a certain age, they must learn to spread their wings and handle the difficulties of life. Then is the time that children must sacrifice and the parents reap the rewards. This," I said gleefully, "this is my reward."

Barney DVD: $11.99
Cost of watching said DVD: 1 year of your life/minute
Your child's "Scream painting" recreation when you sing the Barney theme song: Priceless

Definite proof that a loving God does not exist.

1 comment:

  1. So I read somewhere a while ago that the Barney theme song was played again and again loudly, for the prisoners in Guantanamo bay as a form of torture. Its understandable why they'd pick this particular song.