Godzilla Reads "50 Shades of Grey"

 
Godzilla Reads "50 Shades of Grey"

Godzilla, currently running for President of the United States of America, recently recorded an audiobook version of the popular erotic novel "50 Shades of Grey"

Reviews have been mostly positive with some calling him the "new Barry White."

It's unclear how this will effect the Presidential campaign. I Guess you could say Godzilla's going hard for the Women's vote.

BREAKING: GODZILLA NAMES RUNNING MATE

Godzilla Chooses Mothra for V.P.

New York, NY (AP) -  Presidential Candidate Godzilla announced today that he has selected fellow kaiju (giant monster) and one time rival Mothra to be his running mate in the fall election. Addressing an assembly of press Godzilla said (through his interpreters), "I am pleased to announce that today, after thoughtful and careful consideration, I have selected Mothra to be my Vice President. There were many kaiju who would have been worthy of this honor, including my good friend Angurius, but in the end I chose the kaiju kicks the most ass, including mine at times! Mothra has the courage and tenacity to handle this tough job and I know she will be an outstanding V.P. It is my great honor to introduce to you: Mothra, the next Vice President of the United States of America!"

Mothra then addressed the assembly, using the same interpreters Godzilla has employed throughout his candidacy - two tiny women, saying, "I am thrilled to stand along side Godzilla, King of Monsters and soon to be President of the United States. We are ready for this challenge and we WILL prevail. The only question he asked me was: 'Are you ready to kick ass?' My answer: 'Hell. Yes.' Get ready Mr. Romney and Mr. Obama. We are coming!"

If elected, Mothra would be the first female Vice President.

The candidates then promptly flew (Mothra carrying Godzilla) to their next event.

Space Godzilla Arrested

"Spacy-G's" mugshot

BREAKING: GODZILLA'S BROTHER ARRESTED AFTER DRUNKEN BINGE.

ST. LOUIS, Mo. (AP) -  Space Godzilla, half brother of international celebrity and current Presidential candidate Godzilla, was arrested Monday evening after a drunken rampage that left 43 people injured and extensive property damage.


According to police, the incident began when Space Godzilla approached the city of St. Louis at about 7pm. Space Godzilla, who refers to himself as "Spacy-G," claimed to have been drawn to the city by the iconic Gateway Arch, which he mistook for a "big-ass McDonald's."

Just imagine the McNuggets.

After waiting for a considerable time at what he thought was the "drive thru," he became upset at "the shiz-ity service." Space Godzilla then ambled over to the Budweiser plant where he proceeded to empty the beer tanks of their contents.

Two six-packs.

Space Godzilla then "relieved" himself in the downtown district causing extensive flooding and traffic problems.

Pictured: not water.

After taking a late night swim in the Mississippi, he waded ashore, crashed through the bleachers at Busch Stadium where he passed out. 

The Godzilla campaign issued a statement saying, "Mr. Godzilla deeply regrets his accidental relationship to Space Godzilla and offers his sincerest condolences to the city of St. Louis, especially for the flooding. The last time they spoke, Mr Godzilla told his brother to 'Piss off.' He didn't think he would take it literally."

"Spacy-G's" roll model.

When asked if he was concerned that his actions might negatively reflect on Godzilla's Presidential run Space Godzilla replied, "actually, I always hoped I could one day be a first-brother in the Billy Carter/Roger Clinton mold."


 Space Godzilla was cited with reckless endangerment, public urination and exceedingly indecent exposure. His bail was set for 70 gagillion dollars.

BREAKING NEWS: GIGAN ENTERS RACE

BREAKING NEWS: GIGAN TO ENTER U.S. PRESIDENTIAL RACE  

HOPES TO CAPTURE THE G-PARTY NOMINATION 

CONCORD, NH (AP) Today Gigan, the space-mutant cyborg, known for his combative personality, announced his candidacy for President of the United States. 


The stunning announcement, which was not anticipated, was made in a quickly convened press conference in Concord.


Gigan indicated that he was seeking the G-Party nomination.


When asked why he was running he stated, "Because Godzilla is a punk."

Godzilla News: Book publishing deal falls through

Where's Godzilla? Book publishing deal fails to materialize.

SOMERVILLE, MA (AP) Today, Candlewick Press announced they will not be publishing a scheduled children's book collaboration with well known film star Godzilla. Godzilla, currently running as an independent candidate for President, expressed his disappointment over the decision.

Pictured: Godzilla's disappointment.

Marty Lineart, a Candlewick spokesperson said, "Unfortunately, the book project encountered some difficulties we just didn't consider.

Candlewick press, which publishes the popular "Where's Waldo" series, had initially hoped to produce a similar series using Godzilla's enduring popularity.

Here is a sample image from the canceled "Where's Godzilla?" project:

It wasn't deemed challenging enough.

HAPPY NEW SUNDAY!!

HAPPY NEW SUNDAY!!

So, another Saturday has come and gone! It seems like just yesterday I was waking up to a bright new Saturday, full of hope and anticipation, and here we are, saying "see ya" to Saturday and "boo ya!" to a new Sunday. I think of all the things I did this last Saturday, from breakfast, to lunch, to the shower I took, to the time I spent reading a comic book on the john, to dinner, and I wonder, "where did all the day go?" But now the clock has turned past 12:00 and, for better or worse, we enter a new Sunday.

What will this day hold for our world? Will the coming Sunday be better than the Saturday before it? And so, as the world honors the passing Saturday, with much fanfare and puking, here's hoping that this new Sunday will bring beautiful things for you and your loved ones.

Make good use of your time. Don't let the day just slip by. Remember, everything is different, we've entered a whole new day.

Welcome, Sunday.