HAPPY NEW SUNDAY!!

HAPPY NEW SUNDAY!!

So, another Saturday has come and gone! It seems like just yesterday I was waking up to a bright new Saturday, full of hope and anticipation, and here we are, saying "see ya" to Saturday and "boo ya!" to a new Sunday. I think of all the things I did this last Saturday, from breakfast, to lunch, to the shower I took, to the time I spent reading a comic book on the john, to dinner, and I wonder, "where did all the day go?" But now the clock has turned past 12:00 and, for better or worse, we enter a new Sunday.

What will this day hold for our world? Will the coming Sunday be better than the Saturday before it? And so, as the world honors the passing Saturday, with much fanfare and puking, here's hoping that this new Sunday will bring beautiful things for you and your loved ones.

Make good use of your time. Don't let the day just slip by. Remember, everything is different, we've entered a whole new day.

Welcome, Sunday.

Top 12 Christmas Movies/shows

The Indisputably, Absolutely, Positively, Guaranteed Top 12 Christmas Movies/Specials of All Time

Christmas is the most beautiful time of the year; the celebration of the birth of our precious Lord and Savior. Like any good Christian, I do homage to the Baby Jesus by watching  movies and shows that largely exclude him. Hence, this list.

For all of my fan out there, dying to know what my favority type Christmas movies and shows are, boy are you in for a treat. Here it is: The Indisputably, Absolutely, Positively, Guaranteed Top 12 Christmas Movies/Specials of All Time. One for each day of Christmas.

I will be also be judging these movies on five attributes: 

1. M.M.F.L.A.K.A.M.: or Makes Me Feel Like a Kid Again Meter. This will be judged on a scale of 1-10 - 10 meaning I'm 10 again.
2. Best Song
3. Best Scene
4. Best Quote
5. B.J.Q. or Baby Jesus Quotient ie. how much Jesus said show packs. Again, 1-10 - 10 being a lotta Baby Jesus.
   

Before making a ruling on what movies/specials were worthy, this reviewer has consulted the highest authority available: Me. On with the list!

12. Year Without A Santa Claus

Yeah, it's goofy. Yes, it's campy. But it's a hell of a lot of fun! Really, this show only makes the list because of Heat Miser and Snow Miser.

M.M.F.L.A.K.A.M.: [9] Definitely takes me back. I recall it being on cable most of the time. It seemed to me it didn't air every year, either.

Best Song: "I'm Mr. Heat Miser."

Best Scene: Heat Miser/Snow Miser song numbers. What can I say, I'm a sucker for a big Broadway style production number!

Best Quote: After waking from his long winters nap, Santa utters the following phrase, and I'm quoting it as accurately as possible: "Hmm-eehuh-adeh-ohh...whaheyoh...ohbeghyl...AHHHLGHUH..wellookuhgehsh...ah huhhh!"

See it for yourself in the video below. The magic begins at the 4:11 mark.

B.J.Q: [ -2]  All powerful supernatural Mother Nature but no Baby Jesus.

11. A Muppet Christmas Carol

It's the Muppets. What's not to love? 

M.M.F.L.A.K.A.M.: [4]  I was an adult when this came out but it's the Muppets so it brings out the kid in you.

Best Song: Meh. This is the one musical on this list whose soundtrack fails to inspire. I suppose the opening number is the most memorable.

Best Scene: Sam the Eagle teaching young Ebenezer.

Best Quote: "Thank you for making me a part of this!"

B.J.Q: [3]  This is based on Dicken's classic redemption story so...a bit.

10. The Little Drummer Boy

Rankin Bass - it sounds like a game show from the Fishing Network. Still, no one did Christmas specials like Rankin Bass. This show features Jose Ferrer as a character who cannot decide how his name should be pronounced. Is it Ben HarRAMmed or Ben HARRYmed or Ben HaraMED? Seriously, he pronounces it, like, eleven different ways. If you've heard the song you know the story. If you haven't heard the story, then welcome to my blog Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer.

M.M.F.L.A.K.A.M.: [9]  Another show that was usually on cable, as I recall.

Best Song: I know, it's obvious - "Little Drummer Boy" right? Wrong. I love the song, and the version here is great, but my favorite song is the choral piece performed by the Vienna Sausages Choir, "One Star in the Night." I love hearing little Austrian boys sing about our "Zavior."

Best Scene: The manger scene. Beautiful

Best Quote: From our narrator, Miss Greer Garson, "For more powerful, more beautiful by far than all the eons of sadness and cruelty and desolation which had come before, was that one tiny, crystalline second of laughter."

B.J.Q: [10]  ACTUAL BABY JESUS! ACTUAL BABY JESUS! ACTUAL BABY JESUS!

9. It's a Wonderful Life

It really is.

M.M.F.L.A.K.A.M.: [4]

Best Song: Uh..."Buffalo Gal"? *shrug*

Best Scene: The Christmas miracle ending. Makes me tear every time.

Best Quote: Very quotable movie, but I'll go with, "MERRY CHRISTMAS MR. POTTER!"

B.J.Q: [7] An angel is a central character and a potential sinner is saved. Yes Virginia, suicide is a sin.

8. Miracle On 34th Street

This is traditionally the first Christmas show we watch. Since it centers around the Macy's Day Parade, we usually watch this on Thanksgiving weekend. The dude (to lazy to Google) who plays Santa won an Oscar, deservedly so.

M.M.F.L.A.K.A.M.: [4]  I saw this as a kid but I don't associate with my childhood, oddly.

Best Song: Dutch Santa Song

Best Scene: Without question, the scene with Santa and the little Dutch girl.

Sinterklaas kapoentje,

Gooi wat in mijn schoentje,
Gooi wat in mijn laarsje,
Dank u, Sinterklaasje.

Best Quote: "I believe...I believe...STOP UNCLE FRED, STOP!"

B.J.Q: [0] Santa's real name is Kris Kringle here, no mention of St. Nick...

7. The Bishop's Wife

This is the only selection on the list that I bet most of you have never seen, which is a real shame. Great performances - Cary Grant is brilliant as the angel. I discovered this when I was in the hospital and the chair scene (see quote) had me laughing quite painfully.

M.M.F.L.A.K.A.M.: [1]

Best Song: Choir rehearsal song

Best Scene: Choir rehearsal. Only two boys show up for the choir rehearsal but as the angel (Grant) directs them, more of the boys show up, singing as they enter, until all the boys are present, singing beautifully. It's a very moving scene.

Best Quote: Mrs. Hamilton, "Have a chair." Bishop Brougham, "Thank you...I have one."

B.J.Q: [8] Another movie staring an angel. And a Bishop. Also a very beautiful scene where the angel tells the story of Psalm 23.

 6. A Christmas Carol  

There are a GAJILLION versions of this quintessential Christmas story but this is THE definitive version. George C. Scott. IS Scrooge - easily the best performance of this character that I've ever seen.Scott's Scrooge is every bit the miserable miser, but you can sense a keen intellect and (dark) sense of humor beneath the vile ol' sinner. Love the chemistry between Scrooge and the Ghost of Christmas Present.

M.M.F.L.A.K.A.M.: [3]

Best Song: "God Bless Us, Everyone" - Written for the show, it fits the Victorian mood very nicely.

Best Scene: Scrooge, after his reclamation, shows up at his Nephew Fred's house and meets his wife Janet. He says to Janet, "I was in love once, would you believe that?" To which Janet replies, "Yes." I just love this scene.

Best Quote: "It's all Bob Cratchit can afford!"

B.J.Q: [7]  Dicken's redemption story again, but with more feeling than the Muppet version.

5. The Grinch Who Stole Christmas

I'm not talking about the Crime Against Humanity that is the Jim Carey version, no, I mean the real O.G. - the Dr. Seuss/Chuck Jones masterpiece narrated abso-friggin' brilliantly by Boris "The Man" Karloff. 

  

M.M.F.L.A.K.A.M.: [10]

Best Song: "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" - What the hell else could it be? Tony the Tiger FTW

Best Scene: "The Grinch got an idea. An AWFUL idea..."

Best. Smile. EVER.

Best Quote: "Christmas day will always be, just as long as we have we."

B.J.Q: [3]  No mention of the Baby Jesus but it's a beautiful redemption story.

4. White Christmas

Now THIS is how you do a musical, kiddies. Bing, Danny Kaye, and Rosemary Clooney sing their socks off, while Vera Ellen puts on a display of incredible dancing. GREAT music (White Christmas is really the only Christmas song) and GREAT dancing - what more could you want?

M.M.F.L.A.K.A.M.: [2] Not something I really remember as a kid, but I'm sure I saw it.

Best Song: "Love, You Didn't Do Right By Me" - Okay, so it's not exactly a Christmas song. Still, this song does right by me and I love it. Not surprisingly, since this is a musical, the music and performances are TOP notch.

Best Scene: The closing scene where the camera pans out on the audience with all the familys gathered singing "White Christmas." Always brings a tear...

Best Quote: "When what's left of you gets around to what's left to be gotten, what's left to be gotten won't be worth getting, whatever it is you've got left."

B.J.Q: [0]  The Baby Jesus does not exist in this dojo.

3. A Christmas Story

"YOU'LL SHOOT YOUR EYE OUT!" I love the ever living hell out of this flick (see what I did there? flick - Flick. Get it?). The parents remind me so much of my own dear parents. My dad was gruff like that. And swore like that. If he hit his hand with a hammer he was just like the old man. "RACKFLABLE CARFNIFFER RABBLESNITZER FLAGDABIT"

My folks also said so many of the things Ralphie's parents did - "Starving people in China!" "DON'T YOU GIVE ME THAT LOOK - YOU'RE GONNA GET IT!"

M.M.F.L.A.K.A.M.: [7] This came out when I was older but it reminds me of my family. So true to our family Christmas'.

Best Song: "Deck the Halls/Jingle Bells Medley" sung by the Chinese waiters.

Best Scene: This was the hardest to pick a "best" scene because it's a movie full of best scenes. "A+ A+ A+," "Soap Poisoning," Santa's Lap, the Major Award, "Tripple Dog Dare." - I mean, really, any of those would do. But if I had to pick just one, I would have to pick the hidden gift scene at the end. My parents did this for me. *sniff*

Best Quote: "FFFFUUUUUUDDDDDGGGGGGEE..."

B.J.Q: [0] 

When you saw this:

You knew this was on it's way:

2. A Charlie Brown Christmas

God I love that CBS Special promo. Peanuts is one of the best comic strips of all time. If you only know Peanuts from the modern Sunday paper and you think it's lame (it is) then I pity you. Back in his prime, Schultz was brilliant and this show is prime Schultz. The jokes are sharp and the show is one of the few that touches on the true meaning of Christmas. Oh, and Vince Guaraldi is the shizit.

M.M.F.L.A.K.A.M.: [10] -  I wish I had a version of this with that CBS Special video in front. I'd be 10 again. :)

Best Song: "Linus and Lucy" Whole soundtrack is awesome.

Best Scene: Jingle Bells. *plink plink plink. plink plink plink....plink plink* "THAT'S IT!!" Pricless.

Best Quote: "All I want is what I...I have coming to me. All I want is my fair share."

B.J.Q: [9]  Linus quotes scripture. Very, very brave.

1. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

CYNICS BEWARE. This show will melt your icy heart. The animation, art style, music - everything about this show is just perfect.

M.M.F.L.A.K.A.M.: [11] - This one goes to 11.

Best Song: "There's Always Tomorrow" - This show is loaded with great songs from beginning to end. I could have easily picked "Most Wonderful Day of the Year" or "Holly Jolly Christmas." 

Also "Fame and Fortune" >>>>>>>>>>>"Why Am I Such a Misfit"

Best Scene: Baby Rudolph with the sleigh bells. Clarice was right Rudolph, you are cute, so very, very cute.

Best Quote: "I'M CUTE! SHE SAID I'M CUUUUUUUTE!" We've established that you are cute.

B.J.Q:  [ 3 ] Yeah, I know, no Baby Jesus. But if the adorable cuteness of Baby Rudolph does not speak to the existence of a loving God, I don't know what does.

Parental Joy

Possible proof that a loving God does not exist.

"I love you, you love me..."

I'm sure most of you are familiar with this ditty. It's the delightful theme song to the beloved children's show Barney. Oh, wait, sorry, I forgot I wasn't in Bizzaro world. I mean it's the insufferably annoying blabble that introduces Satan's favorite kiddy program, featuring the despised pedo-saur Barney. There, that's much better. 


  For those of you with children, I'm sure you've heard this theme more than you'd care to. Which means, more than once. For those of you who grew up with this, I sure the therapy will work someday. For myself, I was blessed with a son who was never very fond of Barney. I always considered this a good sign. However, we had a couple of videos, given by people who hated us and he would occasionally want to watch them. I probably don't have to tell you that having to watch this program most certainly violates the Geneva Convention. It absolutely violates the soul. Fortunately, our son quickly moved on from Barney but some things cannot be unseen. Or unheard.

Bizzaro: "Me am want to kill that purple @!$%."

Which brings us to the present. One day, on our way to school, I had the pleasure of singing the Barney theme song to my son who is now thirteen. I forget now, the exact reason I was singing it, still it brought me great joy. Not the song itself of course, which is still a holocaust for the ears, but for the pain and torment it dealt to my son. He writhed about in the back seat, his furrowed brow seething with anger, with his eyes firing atomic daggers at my head. He asked, with much gnashing of teeth, "Why are you singing that?" I pleasantly replied, "Son, when you're a parent, you sacrifice and toil so that your children may be rewarded with a good life. But when your children reach a certain age, they must learn to spread their wings and handle the difficulties of life. Then is the time that children must sacrifice and the parents reap the rewards. This," I said gleefully, "this is my reward."

Barney DVD: $11.99
Cost of watching said DVD: 1 year of your life/minute
Your child's "Scream painting" recreation when you sing the Barney theme song: Priceless

Definite proof that a loving God does not exist.

LEGO Zelda: Help me out!

Would you like to own this? IT CAN HAPPEN
   
Hey gang! LEGO has this awesome new service called Cuusoo. If your design is popular enough, LEGO might actually produce it! Please "like" my design and support it if possible. May the triforce be with you!

Clickety click here to help me out!

My set also features a canon to blast pesky sea beasts!

Gas Station Bathrooms: A Remembrance

Clean and working? This looks promising!

Gas Station Bathrooms: A Remembrance

It's a hot summers day in 1977. Your in the back seat of a '76 Chrystler wagon, fake wood paneling on the side. Some crap tune is playing on the AM dial. The windows are rolled down, the breeze providing little comfort to the oppressively muggy day. But none of that matters. All that matters is you have to go to the bathroom, like NOW. And there's only one option available: the gas station bathroom.  *shudder*

If you shuddered in fear at this thought then you're obviously old enough to remember this ordeal. If not, then put down the pimple medicine junior and learn of the dark age of gas station bathrooms.

You see, unlike today's mini marts (gleaming grocery stores disguised as gas stations) the filling station of yesteryear was a dingy, dreary, wretched little hole that sold gas, soda, candy, cigarettes, and candy cigarettes. It was probably also a repair shop with a (equally dingy) garage. That's about it.

So what was it like? Buckle the fuck up and read on, brave soldier!

Your mom pulls the wagon into a gas station. It quite probably looks like this:

While dirty and rundown, at least it has "character." Then again, Deliverance had, "character."

She parks the car. You the notice the bathroom is on the outside (back in the day they were nearly always on the outside). So you head to the door and SURPRISE - it's locked. Well, your not really surprised. Of course it's locked. They were always locked, but you thought you'd try anyway. You thought, "Maybe, just maybe, today will be the day I don't have to go get..."

The Key

Usually attached to a piece of lumber or iron to discourage theft. Good thinking!

What's so bad about the key? Well nothing really, at least as far as the key itself; it's just a stupid key. But in order to get the key, you must enter into the small dark, dingy building also known as the lair of...


The Troll (sometimes referred to as: the attendant)

Gas station attendant c.1950

The troll you need to get the key from

Back in the 1950's the smiling gas station attendant would check your oil and wipe your windshield while he pumped your gas. By the time the 70's rolled around, the species had devolved (probably as a result of nuclear testing, scientists aren't sure) into a greasy haired, unkempt, rat-like troll man who communicated with grunts and mumbles; the smarter ones might know a few human words. I swear, gas station hiring guidelines must have demanded creepiness in their employees. "Your a former carney and rodeo clown? Welcome aboard, son!"

So, bravely you enter the station. The inside is dusty and smells like old oil mixed with stale smoke. A thin film of grime covers every surface. You cautiously approach the troll behind the counter. "Uh...can I have the key to th-" you start to say but the troll has noticed you. "HRSSE BLLARG NAKKR," he mumbles, thrusting the key in your face. You have it!

Dah na na na!

Now it's off to...

The Bathroom

You approach the door: a stained battered unwelcoming gateway to hell. *WARNING: GEEK REFERENCE* If Tolkien had made this the door to Moria, then instead of "Speak Friend and Enter" the Elvish runes would read: "STFU and Get Fucking Lost." Trust me, what waits beyond this door is worse than anything Moria had to offer.

You turn the key and behold, the door opens! Do you know what stale urine on a hot day smells like? Good. Now imagine that odor as an air freshener trying desperately to cover up a much fouler stench and you'll have a good idea of what greets you as you open the door.

Indiana Jones was still a few years away but I'm convinced that Speilberg and Lucas found some inspiration in a place much like this; navigating the "rest room" was like the hidden cave in the opening of Raiders. Did you duck while entering? Good! You managed to avoid the large spider suspended at face level. Watch out for the sticky gum! Make sure to avoid the stagnant pond in the corner! Is that centipede dead? Best not think about it...

You are here! At last! Your eye on the prize! You win!!

The prize.

You lose.

As bad as this looks (and trust me, it looks very, very bad) it may soon be over!  If:

1. you only need to pee AND
2. you have a penis,

then congrats! You're in luck! Just wad up some toilet paper, lift the lid, and badda bing! Mission accomplished

Fuck yeah

but...

if you do not meet either condition 1 or 2 above, then it's on to... 

The Cleansing 

So, you've got a poopie or a coochie - or both. There's no getting around it; your flesh must come into contact with the toilet. Here's what you do, just wad up some paper towel...

Totally sanitary!

*sigh*. One of these. Are you familiar with the rotating cloth towel dispenser? No, well aren't you fortunate! These featured a cloth towel roll. You'd pull it to advance a clean section. The only problem was that there was NEVER a clean section. These things were notorious for jamming and most had not been changed since the Johnson administration. So what you were left with was a grimy, soiled, bacteria ridden slab of fabric which would render your hands dirtier than if you didn't wash. You used nature's towel: air. And your pants.

Okay, so you grab some toilet paper...

Fuckity, fuck fuck.

...aw screw it! Maybe the seat isn't too dirty and we can just...

guess again, fucker!

Guess not. Well, it's back to the troll's lair...

You return to the troll and boy, is he ever happy to see you again! "WHKNE TEGH PROMBGL NHE?" he bleats. You tell him about the missing TP. After a few more mumbles he returns with a precious new roll.

Back to the can! Now your ready! The shit's about to go down. Literally.

So you wad up your paper, run it under some water (wait 'til the rust clears) add a little soap, and...WAKE UP FROM YOUR FANTASY! Did you really think there would be soap? You silly, silly little person. They NEVER have soap. EVER. There might be a soap dispenser but it will only be there to taunt you. It will certainly be empty. 

So you take your sad little wet nap and wipe down the seat. It doesn't look much better. But at least you can tell yourself that you gave it a more thorough cleaning than it's likely had in months.

The next step is to tear strips of paper to put all around the seat to form a "butt shield." Now, at last your ready to take care of business. Finally, despite the flies, and the spiders and the stench and the unbearable suffocating heat, you are free at last! Time to enjoy the relief!

Wait...what's that? A plooper? ARGGHHHH!! The dirty toilet water has splattered me! ARRGHHHGRHHRHHHH! You die.

Well, that end the history lesson, kiddies. Remember this the next time you have to stop at your clean, air-conditioned mini mart to drop a deuce. Remember the brave souls who had to endure these conditions and be thankful for your good fortune.

If today was the last day, what would you eat?

If today was the last day, what would you eat?

If it's the last day, I'm gonna assume it's Judgement day. Given that, I'd guess I'd eat a Mentos (the Freshmaker!™) look up and wink at the sky, and God would give me this "Oh you!" look and I'd be forgiven all my sins and swept up to heaven on a sweet guitar lick.

Hey...it's all good!

For those whom a merciful and loving God spared from seeing them, be spared no longer! Here is what I'm talkin' 'bout:

  Die! Why wont you DIE!

Happy Father's Day from EyeJustMadeItUp!

Happy Father's Day from
EyeJustMadeItUp!

Have a wonderful Father's day all you dad's out there! Take the time to play with your little Godzilla (wait, that didn't sound right), I mean, enjoy your time with your children. They will only be this age once; tomorrow they'll be a day older! But the day past cannot be got back. Fatherhood is truly the most exciting, fulfilling, enlightening task I've ever undertaken. My son is my joy. Have fun with your kids! Build LEGO! Play catch! Go fishin'! Bake a cake! Eat a cake! Love! Live!

Weeeeee! Kid, your breaking the ol' man's back! Aw, love ya anyway!

 

Voyage to Planet X

Take A Voyage To Planet X!

I made this poster, and the LEGO city therein, as a homage to the sawesome sci-fi posters of yesteryear. I just love that old school b-movie vibe and I tried to capture it here. The Robot is part of the LEGO Collectible Minifigure Series 1.

If you like this, I also designed a scene from the movie. You'll find it here.

Oh, and if you are a diehard LEGO fan or know one, I sell copies of this here. It's printed at 24" x 36" on professional stock and looks even better in person!


If anyone has comments or criticisms, I'd love to hear them.

The LEGO of Zelda

The LEGO of Zelda: King of Red Lions

I love LEGO and Zelda so why not combine them, right? I built this little boat many years ago for my son. I was never too thrilled with my Link - the hat is pretty meh. It's actually a custom job - chopped down ninja hood. The boat is unmodified LEGO save for the sail, which is printed paper. I also made a little island for Link to explore, complete with a Chu jelly guarding a chest. In case your wondering the King of Red Lions looks like this:

If you haven't played Zelda: The Wind Waker you must really hate yourself. You are dead to me.

EyeJustMadeItUp Offically Backs Godzilla for President in 2012

Godzilla for President 2012!

If we are made from the clay of the gods, then politicians are made from the god's monkey's poo when they're not busy flinging it. So yeah, politicians are basically bottom feeding, soul sucking, lying, cheating, meat sacks formed from monkey poo. I've never known a politician I could actually support. It's always been pick the lesser of two doucebags. Well, not any more. No sir. God-f'ing-zilla has entered the 2012 Presidential election. I am all over this shit.

In the coming months, I will do all I can to get this bad boy elected. You think any other country wants to mess with this dude? Answer - two words: Fuck. & No. This is the kind of ass-kicking leadership this country needs now. The dry cleaning industry will have to shut down from all the pant shitting that congress would do if they had to deal with President Godzilla. Can you say atomic veto power?

Eye Just Made It Up is proud to officially support Godzilla in his candidacy for the Presidency of the United States of America. Join us.

 

Or get crushed...

She Blinded Me With Science!

She Blinded Me With Science!

An homage to my lovely and brilliant wife.

She's an Anatomy and Physiology Professor. Here she is in her lovely classroom, with her lovely cat dissection. The whiteboard features some of her authentic scientific type gibberish!

Thanks to Mijasper for the inspiration for the microscope.

Top 12 Toys From My Childhood (Part 2)

Top 12 Toys From My Childhood (Part deux)

Time for Part 2!

6. Mego Action Figures

First, let's get one thing straight. These are ACTION FIGURES NOT DOLLS. Yes, they have removable clothing but that does not make them dolls.  Okay, so the Star Trek figures had a mock Enterprise bridge that folded up in a little carrying case like Barbies. THAT DOES NOT MAKE THEM DOLLS.  I have never played with dolls and I am secure in my manhood.

"We are totally not dolls in a doll case!'

Okay, now that we've taken care of that let's talk about these Mego dol - er action figures. Mego made a ton of these things back in the 70's. I had both superhero figures and Star Trek figures. I didn't have the girlie Enterprise bridge doll case thingy 'cause I was way too butch for that, and my parents couldn't afford it, but mostly I was too butch. I had quite a few of the superhero figures: Supes, Spidey, Lizzard, Batman and Robin, Joker, Riddler, Penguin and Iron Man. I also had a couple of the Star Trek figs. Of my originals, only the Lizzard remains (lost the coat). I traded almost all my Star Wars figures for Star Trek so I have a decent Mego Star Trek collection now.

5. Kenner SSP Smash-Up Derby

I had a good number of SSP cars. Each car had a rip cord, or T-stick, that you inserted in a slot in the car and when ripped, the car would take off. These were fun but the best of these were the Smash-Up cars. You and a friend would each take a car, rip the cord, put them down and watch them jump the ramps and gloriously crash into each other with parts flying off in all directions. It hits all of the boy brain sensors. Speed? CHECK. Collisions? CHECK. Explosions? CHECK. Endorphins released. AW RIGHT!!

4. Playmobil

My dear wife is a beautiful, smart, wonderful woman. Unfortunately, she does suffer some delusions and one of them is that Playmobil is a greater toy than the #1 toy on this list. Not then. Not now. Not ever.

Not even on Bizaro world.

Still, her delusion aside, Playmobil is nevertheless, awesome. It was even more awesome when I was a kid. I had a whole bunch of Playmobil back in the day and I played the hell out of that mobil. I had the set pictured here. Nearly all my stuff was cowboy/western. Sadly, my Playmobil is long gone...

3. Micronauts by Mego

  
Micronauts were awesome sauce. I had many, many figures and sets. Unlike the Star Wars toys - these featured a LOT of shooting-your-eyes-out action! Micronauts were also famed for their interchangeability. Like the set featured to the left, which I owned, where you could take it apart and reassemble it in many different formations. The outer wings could also be used like guns. 

Karza: "Yes, I'm happy to see you."

My best friend and I were really into these things. He had Baron Karza (pictured right) and I had Force Commander. These figures were larger than the other Micronauts and had magnetized limbs, making them very customizable. They also had steeds (Oberon and Andromeda) so you could transform them into centaurs. They could also pummel foes  by shooting off their hands or firing bullets out of their belly buttons. There are so many days when I wish I could do this. I still have a few of these toys. I have Force Commander and Oberon, Acroyer, Pharos and Repto (my son broke him *sigh*) as well.

2. Hot Wheels / Matchbox Cars

I had this car. This car is now worth over $6000. I no longer have this car. Shoots self.


Actually, no it's not worth anywhere near that (so put the gun away Pete!) but still, a bunch of these cars are worth some good coin and I used to have 80+ of the damn things. But this is not a list about the value of collectible toys but about the play value I has as a kid. Aside from the #1 toy on the list, I played with die-cast cars more than anything else, especially in my younger childhood. Most often, I'd play a game called "Smash-up Derby." I would dump the cars on the floor, turn them all right side up, and, one by one, run them at each other. If a car got turned upside-down, it was "out." This would continue until all the cars had been eliminated and a winner declared. Needless to say, my collection would not be in pristine condition if I had it still.

1. LEGO; aka THE GREATEST OF MAN'S CREATIONS

LEGO. When historians rank the most important developments in human endeavor they will probably site fire, the wheel, and the lever. LEGO will probably not make the list. The historians can suck it. 

LEGO is such a monumentally epic toy that, of all the items on this list, it is the ONLY one that is still an active part of my life. Yes, at 45 years of age I still build, and play, with LEGO. I expect LEGO will be with me for the rest of my life.

What was my first set? I can't say for sure but the earliest one I remember was 565 Moon Landing. It featured brick built astronauts (the amazing mini figure had not yet been invented). I remember building a pirate ship in 2nd or 3rd grade. It was quite large and had a removable deck with cannons below. I was quite proud of it. Another early creation was my Battlestar Galactica. The ship was manned by Coast Guard and Fireman mini-figures (these were some of the first available). I used nearly every brick in my collection to create it. It was horribly out of scale (obviiously) and the "Vipers" were un-manned. One thing I can say about my early building was everything was color coordinated. I despised hap-hazard multi colored building, or, as my friend and I used to call it: "Partridge Family Bus building."

I was present at the birth of the mini figure: the genius pinnacle of this genius product. I still remember the first time I saw one. My best friend had just received set 709 Police Boat.  

 It contained exactly 1 minifig, but I was totally blown away. Understand, original LEGO minifigures had no arms, legs or faces and looked like this: 

Lame, Lame-o, and Lamest

These new minifigures were a BIG deal to us. Hell they still are! LEGO has just released a fourth series of collectible minifigures that give off Awegasmic radiation if you get to close.

Awegasmic radiation.

Not long after the Police Boat, LEGO released a Space line, (when I first saw it I self combusted), Knights (Unobtainium, in that, I couldn't obtain them for the longest time even though my best friend had them and I was totally not jealous and have long since gotten over not being jealous) and many many successive waves of awesome. The picture at the start of this entry was probably my favorite Christmas present: Beta 1 Command Base. Thank you LEGO for many fulfilling years of creativity, imagination and fun.


That's my list and I'd love to hear what your favorite toys were!

Honorable Mentions: 

1. Slime (fun for maybe an hour or so - then dirty, gritty and gross)
2. Creepy Crawlers
3. Stretch Armstrong ( you could stretch him...and...yeah...)
4. Shogun Warriors (kinda similar to Micronauts and really deserved to be on the list but I kinda forgot about them so, sorry Shogun Warriors!)